Insecurity — The Monster We All Hate

Imagine a life where you actually never had to bother about your insecurity. What do you think it would be like? Blissful right? Even the most confident person finds their mind invaded with self-doubt from time to time. Trust me, you will be a lot happier without this monster in your life.

Insecurity is that tiny voice in your head that tells you that you’re not enough, you won’t get promoted at work because you’re not that smart, and the list goes on. It sparks self-doubt, low confidence, and destructive self-criticism. Can you think of a time where you felt this way? I definitely can. We all have insecurities, but the question is, how do we manage it? Do you let it run your life and influence your decisions? The tiny voice says “you’re not smart”, “you’re a failure”, “you’re not beautiful”, “Am I enough?”, “My work is not good enough”, “I am a failure”, “I don’t fit in”, “I may not be successful”.

It’s important you understand that your insecurities are monsters that you shouldn’t be afraid of.

So let’s take these few steps to see how we can all manage our insecurities better.

First, you need to accept that you’re insecure about certain things. This is the self-awareness stage. You can’t change a behavior or a belief if you are not aware of it. Identify those insecurities and understand why you feel it in the first place. Learn more about it and identify the triggers. While doing this, don’t regard the negative things others say about you. Filter the things you listen to and keep diving into self-awareness and discovery.

Secondly, speak to the insecurities you have identified. Have this mindset of change; say something like this to yourself — “I know you’re that monster trying to hinder me from achieving my dreams, but I don’t care about you, I know I am worth more than this.” After this, don’t let that insecurity hurt you anymore, keep affirming these words to yourself. Take it one day at a time. It’s not going to be easy because the more you try, the more the voice in your head says you’re deceiving yourself, but you will need to keep pushing. These tiny voices will not go overnight.

Another helpful technique is your circle and peer group. I have those friends I talk to about my insecurities, they encourage me, reassure me, and make me believe in myself. With that, I also make sure that I remind myself of what I am worth. I used to question my worth before by saying, “am I even worthy?” I said it to my brother one day, and he said, “Eseosa, never let anyone tell you you’re not worthy of what you get. You’re so worthy!” and ever since then, I don’t say things like that anymore.

Please dears, you have to hype yourself, because no one’s gonna hype you. A short story, I have this really weird scar, at first, I was so insecure because people would ask me questions, in fact, I still am, but I keep reassuring myself that it doesn’t define me. I may have this scar, but it doesn’t change how beautiful I look.

Thirdly, I would say, do it scared! — You’re afraid that you might fail, try, put in your effort, and see the results. Also, have you committed it to God? I find huge security in God and His promises. Whenever my inner critic starts to tell me some horrible things, I renounce them.

Lastly, I will wrap up by saying that failure is a part of your success story. We all need to understand that the fear of failing is a thought process everyone goes through. This means we should get up every time we fail. When you commit to learning from your failure, your confidence grows, your faith takes you farther, and you become better. I cringe whenever I see my first articles or contents, it seems like a mess now considering how much I have grown. I am committed to learning from each failure and understanding that life is full of experiences and continuous learning.

I was so reluctant to write about this issue because it’s really sensitive. I have not figured it all out yet, but I decided to share my thoughts, how I handle insecurities, and what works for me. A subtle reminder that no one is perfect, don’t try to compare yourself with others. They have their insecurities too, they don’t just tell you. The world is a difficult place, some people are sad, angry for a reason or two. Be the reason things get better, make someone feel good, loved, and happy. This year has been difficult for everyone, try to be the reason someone smiles and not why they cry in their bathroom. Be the difference!

I will end by saying that you’re enough, you’re special, you’re a queen/king, you’re worth it, you’re beautiful, you’re unique, there is no other person like you in this whole world! Own it and shine! Move past those insecurities, follow your dreams, and be a shining star to the world.